Let me tell you a story about a girl and a guy separated by 4,426 miles…
Long Distance Relationships are not as glamorous as the movies make out, definitely not as romantic. Mine consisted of many sexy photos, phone calls, crying sessions, virtual tours, moments of weakness and constant self doubt. I found myself getting on the tube and crying because there were couples holding hands and kissing. It was hard, but now I look back on it, it was worth it. My partner eventually moved back to London from Miami after 6 month after realizing that he wanted to move to London and live with me. I got lucky. But in those 6 months we had no idea when we’d next be together so every day that passed required all of our efforts to maintain our relationship. We battled with time difference, work schedules and loneliness.
Long distance had its challenges, but when you believe you will overcome and achieve something, and your partner believes so too, there’s not stopping the love train!My partner kindly shared his opinion!
Long Distance Relationships
I am telling you long distance relationships can work. I met my partner and had just 2 months with him before he left me for Miami, indefinitely. It was sad because I was a bit of a Femme Fatale, the kind to eat you up and spit you out until I found my little poo poo. I was devastated, the day i took him to the airport I cried enough tears that Aphrodite herself probably wept. This was it, there was no end goal set just a love strong enough to defy all probabilities lol, corny I know. But I want to share with you why I believe our relationship survived the distance for as long as it did.
The Essentials to a Long Distance Relationship.
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” – Ernest Hemingway
We are proud generation who would rather let a chance fly by than double text. We are a generation where our is goal is to smash and pass; a constant battle with who can show the least feelings and who has the most DMs. It is like The Hunger Games for love and the result is the same as in the movie, no one actually wins anything. I was exactly like this, vain, distrusting, and a game player. It was fun for a little while. I broke a few hearts and made many mistakes but I didn’t gain anything. I eventually had a Gemma Collins moment… I SICK OF PLAYING GAMES! I decided enough was enough, it was time to risk it all. Wear my heart on my sleeve and all that shit.
I eventually found someone who was worth my everything but as life does, it fucked me over. He was going back to Miami and I was to stay in England and finish my degree. But because I had left my fuckgirl self behind, I was able to give this dude my unconditional trust and decided to do a long distance with him. If I was still into playing games I would never have been able to have a long distance relationship. It is so important to trust the person you are in a long distance relationship with. Otherwise, you will end up with insane paranoia and fall into the trap of overthinking. You will become the reason your relationship didn’t work out.
Trust is so hard to give especially when we have been hurt before. But I soon learnt it is better to say oh well than what if. I decided to stop making people earn my trust and gave it willingly knowing that, if they broke it, they would be the ones to lose out. Trust is the reason I am currently still with my partner!
This one is a no brainer. Communication becomes the most important thing in your realationship. There is no time for games because suddenly every minute you have with them counts. You want to reply as soon as you see their name because you don’t know when you’ll next have them. Missing a call or a text becomes the worst part of your day.
Lacking physical touch means that talking to each other and communicating becomes the foundation of your relationship. It’s funny because I always thought sex was a key component to a relationship, it is very important, but not the most important. Long distance taught me to love without touch. We grew a real friendship and this only made us eager to see each other next, if you know what I mean 😉
Communication is key!
It was not all rainbows, nudes and sunshine. Sometimes it was late night chats with my flatmates comforting me because I hadn’t been able to speak to him. It was hard to understand how our schedules worked together. There were many times where it was crucial to understand that things come up that can distract either one of you. There would be times that we agreed a time to call and we couldn’t because I was with my friends, working or blacked out. The same applies to my partner. It was these moments that really tested us. We could have decided the explode and pop off at each other, but instead we learnt to understand each other more.
I think understanding also goes hand in hand with trust. I trusted that no matter what got in the way that day, it wouldn’t change how we felt about each other or impact what it is that we wanted. This is what made it easier to get over the hard times.
I hate that I have used phones as an example but it would be stupid to ignore that my phone was reason it worked out. I mean we could’ve written letters but I wouldn’t have sent any sexy photos in case they fell into the wrong hands. Not that they cloud is any safer but I take my chances.
The fact that we could FaceTime, send voice notes, pictures and call each other literally made it feel as though he was just down the road from me. Whenever we needed each other, I didn’t have to wait for Postman Pat to deliver him a letter, I just needed Whatsapp and internet connection which is as easy to get as oxygen. So for me, my phone is the real warrior in our relationship,
I also want to acknowledge how much of an impact m friends had in keeping me sane. I am no angel and do not pretend to be one. Whenever I feel insecure or lonely it is easy for me to lash out, go into a mood or have a bottle of wine. Had my friends not been there for me reminding me of my end goal, I probably would have found it a lot harder than I did. I want to thank them for the hours of their days they surrender to make sure I didn’t go crazy. They are the real MVP’s of my relationship.
So in essence, I want people to not be put off by long distance relationships. Yes they are hard work but nothing worth having comes easy in life. I can only say that my time in a long distance relationship made me a better girlfriend. I never took him for granted and learnt what it meant to establish a relationship beyond physically. It was about him and me not what we could offer each other.
I wish everyone luck if they are in a long distance relationship and can only say keep going
See you on the flip side!
Demi Anne x